About

 packer fam

My name is Lindsay and I just entered my 30’s. I am an educational speech-language pathologist working with children with a variety of disabilities. I have the sweetest, most loving, slightly chubby golden retriever named Gracie who this blog is named after. We both recently lost the love of our lives to suicide. Reading stories from other survivors of suicide has helped me tremendously to learn that I am not alone in this journey. My goal is to be as honest as possible as I navigate this next path in my life. I hope that this experience, while completely and utterly heart breaking, may allow me to help others in the future.

12 thoughts on “About

  1. Abby says:

    You truly are the most amazing and strongest person I know. I can’t imagine what you go through on a daily basis, but you always seem to look on the positive side which amazes me. Shawn was an amazing man and was lucky to have you in his life. He is greatly missed. Keep up the blog because you will inspire others like you have inspired me.

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  2. Melanie says:

    Lindsay you are truly amazing and this blog is just more proof of that. Your words are powerful and inspiring. Each entry has reached me in some way and for that I am truly grateful.

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  3. Maya Ashwal says:

    Hi Lindsay, I don’t know how I stumbled upon your site, but seems like fate. I am 33 and lost my fiancé, Ned, almost 2 years ago. I have a Gracie too. My labradoodle, Monkey, who we brought home just 2 weeks before Ned passed. Monkey has no idea the extent to which I have needed him so much more than he has needed me. Thank you for sharing your story. Grief can be so lonely and isolating, but then you stumble upon a story like yours and suddenly you feel connected, understood and less alone.

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      Hi Maya, I am so happy you found me. I am very sorry to hear about your fiance, Ned. I am glad that you have Monkey to help you through. Dogs are such amazing, loving creatures, aren’t they? Gracie truly has saved me during this time. I would love to talk further if you would want to–my email address is Lgonwa@hotmail.com. I attend a support group, which is so helpful, but have yet to find anyone with a story that is similar to my own. Thank you so much for your words. They encourage me to continue writing and sharing.

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  4. Lisa says:

    Lindsay, Another fate finding for me also stumbling on your blog. I will share it for sure. On 7/20/16 my daughter lost her good friend to suicide. A beautiful 20 year old girl who I watched grow up, was her Girl Scout leader when she was little, and close with her family. Our hearts are beyond broken. And then comes word today of a 21 year old boy who is friends with friends of ours, jumped from a bridge connecting the neighboring town. The complexities of this mental illness are so deep but I feel compelled in my line of work to want to help or do something more (In Caitlin’s name at least). I wish I knew how. Your blog is so incredibly important. Please keep educating all of us through your eyes Lindsay, please. It helps with others healing more than you know. Thank you, and good luck in your future. You too are thought of, much love & peace, Lisa

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      Hi Lisa, I am so glad you found me too. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Such young people. Makes me so sad. If you would ever like to share anything on my blog, I would be more than willing to post something. I needed some purpose in my loss too. Thank you, thank you for your words of encouragement. They mean so much to me. Love & peace to you, your family, and friends too. ❤️

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  5. Annie says:

    Hi Lindsay, I continue to think about you, your family and Shawn’s family. I am so proud of you, sharing your words, thoughts, and feelings. I have lost many loved ones in my life time….my heart really aches for you! I was not fortunate enough to meet Shawn, yet through your words I am so glad you had each other. I will continue to read your heartfelt words, support you and wish you “the Best Always!” Love from Annie.
    PS. You are correct, Lindsay……she is your “saving Grace” I believe in angels!!

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      Hi Annie, Thank you so much for this kind and thoughtful message! I have been meaning to write you a letter back all summer too! Thanks for sharing your story of losses with me. It helps immensely to know I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings! You also taught me that grief can look very different for each individual –and that should be respected too. Thank goodness for our angels that help us through–love to you too!

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  6. Annie says:

    Hi Lindsay,
    On this rainy morning I decided to look on “mysavinggracie” website, as I continue to think about you, Lindsay. I watched the video with a suicide survivor. Again, I am reminded of the extreme amount of pain that life can bring! One never knows what tomorrow will bring. That being said, I get upset with myself for not being happy all the time, as my life is good! I am blessed and I thank God every day for these blessings. Yet, I find myself “sad” at times! I have learned that I need to look for happiness sometimes, as it does not always come to me. Happiness does not just happen, yet there are many ways to find it and pray for it. I am so happy that your prayer has been answered. Nick is very blessed to have you in his life. Take Care, Love from Annie

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      I read a book this past summer about a person who struggles with depression and anxiety. Your comment kind of reminded me of what she had written. It was something like—It’s normal to feel shitty when things are shitty, but to feel shitty when things are good, that is utterly terrifying. Sometimes it really is a chemical imbalance that we cannot control. We have a good life and yet we still can be sad. I’m working on finding my happiness too–it’s definitely taken more effort since Shawn passed away. Hope you find yours!

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