Emotions After Suicide Loss

It’s 5:00 a.m. and I am restless. Maybe if I write some of these thoughts and feelings down they will stop clouding my brain.

My emotions are so mixed and scattered following my engagement. Unfortunately, nothing is clear cut after loss.

I’m sad for the life I lost.

I’m excited for this new life & love.

I’m terrified I could lose it again.

I’m anxious about how people will react.

I feel guilt about moving on.

I worry my decisions could cause others pain.

I fear moments of future happiness will always contain a hint of sadness.

I’m angry because I’ve been robbed of feeling one-sided emotions.

I’m happy to have found Nick and to have him in my life.

I am hopeful for our future.

In such a short period, I have experienced so many giant ups and downs. Grief is truly a rollercoaster of emotion. And again, my body and brain are figuring out how to cope.

The truth is–I am only 31 years old and I have experienced a significant, traumatic, unexpected, unthinkable loss. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know how to handle all of this.

6 thoughts on “Emotions After Suicide Loss

  1. Cindy says:

    I agree with Abby, life is an adventure filled with ups and downs. It is amazing to think about the choices that we make and how different our lives become because of the direction that those choices take us. You have suffered and survived some unimaginable sadness in your young life, and now you are preparing to enjoy some unbelievable joy with the path that you are taking. There will always be worries and fears, but to truly experience life, you must experience both the highs and lows, the worries and the joy. I am praying for you and so happy that you have found your joy! Keep following your path and enjoy those ups and downs. ❤

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  2. Gail Gonwa says:

    None of us – your family, closest friends, and now even Nick – can begin to imagine the magnitude of your loss, Lindsay, or how alone you must still feel. We love you so much and are always here for you in the longest of nights and darkest of days. You are handling all of this with beauty and grace and wisdom that belongs only to you. Listen to your heart, Lindsay…it knows the way. I love you so much and always will, m♡m

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  3. Allan & Jane Lorge says:

    Can not even begin to imagine all those feelings hitting you at once, altho one thing we do know is that everyone loves you and couldn’t be more happy for you to have found love again with Nick

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  4. Diane says:

    Dear Lindsay I am not sure if I should write this, but I have been crying over your words – a lot. I wish the pain would end….but, for me, it is still there. Your feelings and emotions are exactly what I still struggle with. Writing it down has helped, but the roller coaster continues. You are handling grief with a clarity and strength that you should be proud of. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Aunt Diane

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  5. mysavinggracie says:

    Thank you all so much for your thoughtful, loving, wisdom-filled responses. I truly appreciate it! Gracie and I are making it through the tough moments because of all of you!

    Lots and lots of love!

    Lindsay

    Like

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