Frankly, I am getting tired of feeling shitty. Not that I feel this way all the time, but I do at least part of every day. I am willing to try anything to help make me happy again. Medication. Counseling. Travel. Nature. Reading. Support Group. I’ve done this all. But when my friend suggested joining a gym, I replied to her with, “Maybe next Monday” for about two months. I know exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy–I’ve seen Legally Blonde. However, I just did not have the motivation or energy to exercise. Plus, there is just no good time to join a gym. I had many
great mediocre excuses.
Then on a random Tuesday, I woke up and decided I would join the gym. The first night I went to exercise by myself, I cried as I was on the elliptical. I really, really dislike exercising, but not enough to cry about it. I was physically running, but mentally could not escape my pain. I could not run away from my thoughts and emotions. So, I muttered to myself, “What the heck, endorphins?”
I am happy to report, however, that I have not cried at the gym since that first time I went alone. I am gaining strength emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am relieving my stress in a more positive way. The sweat dripping down my forehead tells me I’m alive. My muscles aching and legs shaking tell me I’m alive. My heart beating tells me I’m alive.
I am alive. And I am here for a reason.