What the Heck, Endorphins?

Frankly, I am getting tired of feeling shitty. Not that I feel this way all the time, but I do at least part of every day. I am willing to try anything to help make me happy again. Medication. Counseling. Travel. Nature. Reading. Support Group. I’ve done this all. But when my friend suggested joining a gym, I replied to her with, “Maybe next Monday” for about two months. I know exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy–I’ve seen Legally Blonde. However, I just did not have the motivation or energy to exercise. Plus, there is just no good time to join a gym. I had many great mediocre excuses.

Then on a random Tuesday, I woke up and decided I would join the gym. The first night I went to exercise by myself, I cried as I was on the elliptical. I really, really dislike exercising, but not enough to cry about it. I was physically running, but mentally could not escape my pain. I could not run away from my thoughts and emotions. So, I muttered to myself, “What the heck, endorphins?”

I am happy to report, however, that I have not cried at the gym since that first time I went alone. I am gaining strength emotionally, mentally, and physically. I am relieving my stress in a more positive way. The sweat dripping down my forehead tells me I’m alive. My muscles aching and legs shaking tell me I’m alive. My heart beating tells me I’m alive.

I am alive. And I am here for a reason.




2 thoughts on “What the Heck, Endorphins?

  1. Sheri says:

    Lindsay Judith, you are simply an awesome person! You’re strength, your truth, you’re human- ness (is that a word?) amaze me more and more with each entry you make along your journey. It is clear that certainly ONE of your reasons for being here is to help others through your writing. Your words speak not only suicide survivors, but to anyone suffering a loss or just struggling to get through life’s eventual ups and downs.

    It’s no wonder why Shawn loved you so much. . .

    With lots of love and admiration from your (favorite) Auntie Sheri


  2. mysavinggracie says:

    Thank you so much for this encouraging and sweet message! I had to laugh because once in an interview I asked, “Is that a real word?” Probably something I shouldn’t ask as a speech therapist! Haha Must be my favorite auntie Sheri in me! Love you, caring sister! 💕💕


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