Changes

If you see a psychologist or a counselor shortly after experiencing a significant loss or traumatic event, they will undoubtedly tell you the same thing. Do not make any major life changes. I completely understand this, however, I do feel that each person and situation is different. Therefore, should be treated individually.

I took the advice I received from my doctor and psychologist and did the exact opposite. I am not saying that this is the right thing to do, but it was what felt right for me.

The first major life change I made was resigning from my job. The emotional and mental requirements needed to perform my job effectively alone were completely daunting. I am also the type of person who does not like any extra attention. It makes me extremely anxious. I know my colleagues and friends would have been wonderful, kind, and caring if I had returned. I personally would have just felt observed in my actions and emotions–even though this certainly would not have been their intentions.

The second major life change I made was moving out of the place Shawn and I shared and moving to a new city. Home to me is not a building with walls and a roof. Home to me is hugging and kissing Shawn when I walk in a door with Gracie trying to nudge her way in between. Home to me is packer Sundays and couch snuggles. Home to me is pizza and movies with my lovies. Home to me is corny Shawn jokes and lots of giggles. Home to me is simple–it is Shawn and Gracie. Because the place I lived in no longer felt like home, I decided it was better for me to move somewhere new.

This coming year, I will be embarking upon another change. Over this past week, I applied and interviewed for a speech-language pathologist position in a nearby school district. I was offered the position and accepted it. I feel blessed and grateful to have been given this opportunity and look forward to working with all my new students and families. The hardest part in receiving this positive news was not being able to share and celebrate it with Shawn. Though, I do strongly believe he continues to watch over me and cheer me on from above.

This life I am building for myself and Gracie is certainly not easy. I still cry each time I come “home” from a few days away. I did not ask for this new life nor is it what I ever would have imagined or wanted.

I am learning, however, that there is no correct way to grieve; there is no one way to grieve. I can honestly say that I have not regretted any of the decisions I have made thus far in my grief. While the experts believed I was making too many life changes too quickly, I simply saw it as a way to reduce my stress and anxieties. I will carry the weight of my loss wherever I am and whoever I am with. I know this. Do what is best for your well-being. Know yourself.

 

 

4 thoughts on “Changes

  1. Marie says:

    I am looking at some life changes, too. Wonder if I am doing the ‘right’ things, and hope I don’t crash and burn.

    I am glad to hear of your new beginings. We carry on, learning a new way with love in our hearts. Blessings.

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      I constantly question whether I am doing the right things too, Marie. When I did make these life changes, I just always told myself, if they did not feel right, then I could always move on and do something different. Carrying on and moving forward is not easy. Hoping you are finding some peace as you heal. 💕

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  2. Brynn says:

    Have I told you this week how brave and strong you are (and an amazing beer pong player :)? When we all compliment you on your strength, this is one of the reasons why. It is so scary to make life changes even not having gone through what you have. It would be so easy for you to not make changes, to not take those steps forward. You are the epitome of strength. I’m so impressed with you everyday. Remember your strength on those days you feel weak. Remember on those weak days that you have friends and family that can help carry you (I mean I can carry a keg, sooo :). I’m glad that you have chosen the path that makes the most sense to you and have stayed true to yourself. You are so loved. I’m thankful everyday that I’m lucky enough to be one of your best friends.

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    • mysavinggracie says:

      Thank you, Brynn, for making me laugh and cry in a single message. I feel so lucky to have the friends I do. You are always there to lift me up when I am too weak to do so myself. …And there to lift the keg on days I just need to have fun. You all are a huge reason I am able to find the strength and courage to move forward. Love my Pointer Plastics. ❤️

      Like

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