Let’s Be Real

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love that it allows us to remain connected to those we love. I hate that it gives us a false sense of reality. All smiles, happy memories, and over filtered pictures. I am no different. I have barely posted anything since Shawn passed away. What I have posted, were just fragments of my reality. The happy, smiley, I’m moving forward in my life pictures.

But guess what? Life is far from perfect. It’s extremely messy and challenging at times. So today I thought I’d provide a glimpse into my reality. The life I do not reveal on Facebook, Snapchat, or Instagram.

I decided to look through a box of memories late last night. I could not stop crying. I took two sleeping pills and eventually fell asleep with Gracie at my side. I slept off and on until about 7:00 am. I woke up with very little energy and decided today maybe I will not leave the couch. I work for school districts and am off during the summer. This has been such a blessing this year.

I showered around 2:00 pm to make myself feel somewhat better and during my shower heard a song that reminded me of Shawn. I got out of the shower and cried on my bedroom floor wrapped in my towel. I laid there and wondered if other people think grief feels so much like a part of you is dying.

I then got dressed and made it back to the couch. I now sit here with a giant bag of popcorn (thanks Costco and mom) telling my Netflix, “Yes, I am still watching. Leave me alone. I’m tired and I’m grieving. I will be watching you all day. Please stop asking me.”  I may have to have dinner delivered tonight.

Far from glamorous, but this is what grieving looks like. This is my unfiltered reality.

 

8 thoughts on “Let’s Be Real

  1. Gail Gonwa says:

    Losing Shawn is by far the most difficult challenge you have had to endure in your young life. There are no words to even begin to imagine the sad, desperate, yearning gasps of sobs and tears and breath that are part of your reality…especially now, especially this month. Know you are so loved, Lindsay, and that we see a beautiful daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and friend handling her deepest loss with wisdom and grace. Love you so much…always and forever.

    Like

  2. Allan Lorge says:

    I wish we could make your pain go away, but we can’t; nor can we really even begin to imagine just how much you are hurting……it comes through in your posts and we feel so sad for you…..we want you to know that many are thinking of you every day and praying for you as you grieve….we love you.

    On Thu, Jul 14, 2016 at 4:29 PM, My Saving Gracie wrote:

    > mysavinggracie posted: “I have a love-hate relationship with social media. > I love that it allows us to remain connected to those we love. I hate that > it gives us a false sense of reality. All smiles, happy memories, and over > filtered pictures. I am no different. I have barely po” >

    Like

  3. Alethia Hughes says:

    I wish there was something I could say or do to make the coming days easier. I hope that through the tears there are many memories of the love you and Shawn shared, and that as each day passes the promise of all of the joy, love, and happiness that is yet to come becomes more evident. I did not really know Shawn, but I have no doubt that he is beyond proud of the strength and grace you show every day. I am sending countless hugs (and maybe grabbing your butt once or twice 😆). I hope this week is filled with lots of love, happy memories, and blue jays!

    Like

  4. mysavinggracie says:

    Thank you so much, Alethia! I will definitely be remembering the memories and love we shared always, but especially during this week. I appreciate a good hug and butt grab every now and then–thanks!

    Like

  5. Marie says:

    So grateful you shared this blog with me. It’s a hard club to belong to. Prayers that you will be blessed with memories of happy times with Shawn. Peace and healing.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s