There are times, even this past week, where the pain of my loss comes crashing down on me like a gigantic wave. It becomes hard to breathe and the weight of it all seems so heavy. My body moves in slow motion. I am so tired. I am so sad. I am so tired of being sad. I begin to wonder, am I healing at all? That is when I began to think of all the feats I have overcome thus far in my grief:
- I can now sleep for more than 3-4 hours at a time–most nights.
- I am eating without feeling nauseous.
- I am trusted to drive places near and far alone.
- I wear pants again with buttons and zippers nearly 5 days a week.
- I can take a walk without physical exhaustion.
- I interviewed and got a job–and then accidentally got a second job.
- I went from working 20 hours to 40 hours a week.
- I wake up to an alarm and can get to work on time. Okay 5-10 minutes late. If I’m honest with myself though, this was a struggle for me even before Shawn’s death.
- I moved to a new city–with the help of amazing family and friends.
- Gracie and I survived a night home all by ourselves. It was filled with tears and lots of Netflix. I woke up and told Gracie, “We did it!” She was also proud.
- Most days, I can go nearly 8 hours without crying.
These are all things I was unable to do in the first two months after losing Shawn. This is progress. These are my victories. So if you are also experiencing a significant loss, take time to think of where you were and where you are now. Celebrate your victories, both big and small. You have likely achieved more in your healing than you even realize.