I know I have not written that much lately and that is simply because grieving is exhausting. Whenever my family experiences a loss, my mom always says this and there is so much undeniable truth in that statement. Grief consumes you–mind, body, and soul.
I have experienced loss prior to this and nothing has compared to the exhaustion I have felt with the loss of Shawn. I am not sure if it is because he was my significant other or if it is due to the nature of his death. It likely is a combination of both. The amount and vast range of emotion I feel in a single day (sadness, joy, anger, guilt, fear) is overwhelming at times. While my whole body feels so, so tired at night, I still have trouble falling asleep. My mind does not tire. Coping with this, in addition to now working full time, is bound to deplete me.
During this journey of grieving, I am learning the importance of managing the expectations I have for myself. I am learning that I may not accomplish everything I want to each day. I am learning to be easier on myself. I am learning to take care of me. One day at a time.